De dragoste animaliera

vai, domnule sfincter, cat aplomb, cata dedicatie, cate minciuni si josnicii. ce conduita admirabila!

Stimate domn Sfincter,

Sunteti o floare, sunteti un crin,

procesomanul cel mai fin!

Vai, cata melodrama, ce mincinoasa poama!

Penibilul sublim!

Minciuna cu toptanul, cu carul si cu anul,

Fantasme mari umflate si bine-nsailate,

Lucrate la gherghef!

Procese verbale, atacuri feline,

Copii-ntra cincea spalati pe creier bine!

Ochi de camere pe holuri va tot urmaresc,

Si nu-i vina casetei, faptele-va chiar graiesc!

Copii in prag de bac ajunsi abia la domnitori,

Doar nu tre’ sa va faceti treaba cu niste mici putori!

Doar sa-i chemati la ‘pregatire’ in vacanta,

in weekend, dupa ore,

Ca sunteti domn si tata, tovaras tradittore!

Asa-i e chiar legal sa defaimati pe cineva,

Sa puneti dulci-afise pe holuri hop-s-asa,

Sa acuzati inexistente si nedovedite abuzuri sexuale,

Sa reprosati mamelor bune ca-s niste animale!

E chiar in regula, ca la sedinte, sa umiliti parinti,

S-aduceti in consiliu copii buni si cuminti,

Sa scadeti la purtare note pe nemeritate,

Pentru ca s-a indraznit sa vi se sufle-n spate!

Scumpule domn Sfincter

Sunteti ca bunul FBI,

Spioni in fiece clasa va poarta cu alai,

Si cand te-ntreaba psihiatrul pe-al carui scaun stai,

N-ai nici grandomanie, nici paranoia, n-ai!

Nu, domle', toata lumea te vrea chiar rastignit,

Ca un Isus pe cruce, ce mult a patimit.

Si unul cate unul, cu totii stau si comploteaza,

Cum sa te tot aseze pe-un jilt electric cu speteaza!

Sa te parleasca cu nesat ca pe-un godac,

Pentru masa de Craciun gatiti mumos in frac?!

Asa-i, cam asta-i adevarul, mult indragit dement,

Nimeni nu te doreste-n acest stabiliment!

Cafegioaice

Am fost lovita in plex cu leapsa Irinei L'ene care a fost atat de dragalasa incat m-a ademenit s-arat lumii din ce-mi sob eu cafeaua zi de zi de zi de zi.
Aveam o poza mai demult pe calculator cu o pisica cu fata de buldogareasca care zicea: "Before my morning coffee, I might as well be a dog." Asa hop si eu. Recunosc ca-i un viciu de nestapanit, un moft cat se poate de bine hranit si un obicei la fel de constant cu indesatul telecomenzii in frigider. (La mine in casa acolo se pare ca-i e locul).
Pozele un pic mai tarzior[sa se incarce aparatul], pentru ca marturisesc cu rusine in ochi ca nu sunt o utilizatoare fidea a unei singure cani, biroul meu este un cupboard populat de leitiere, canute, canoaie, halbe etc intrucat consum cantitati hipopotamice de lichide. Si totusi am motatele mele preferate. Disdedimineata sorb soarele la rasarit si racoarea din oase dintr-o cana de portelan chinezesc cu niste cerculete albastre burtoasa ca o statuie a fertilitatii, dar gratioasa ca o demoazela gravida, lucioasa, vesela si suflata cu crem pe dinauntru.
Daca fac la grasse matinee [ceea ce-n vacanta de lucru se-ntampla adesea cu muierustile pe care le mai traduc pe-o parte si pe alta] am doua variante: cana cu dungi multicolore care ma duce cu gandul la o ikea de prin alte tari si cana de Korond cu flori si volute albastre. La ceaiul de dupa-amiaza am o cana stil teracota comunista austera maro pamantiu cu o banda gri sus, ca o vaza de prin anii saizeci.
Insa parol d'honneur ca obiceiurile de-acasa nu se potrivesc cu cele din targ. Cafelele mele preferate sunt cele populate cu prieteni si prietene asezonate cu carti bune sau carti de joc. Cu barfe aburinde, cu filozofari dupa petreceri cu dancefloor tocit, cafelele de trezire din dulcea betie, cafelele mahmurite cand incerci sa-ti pui cap la cap evenimentele noptii. Cafelele la spirtiera si primus in the middle of nowhere pe o plaja cu nisip prafuit leganata intr-un hamac cu inca vreo patru zgribuliti in saci pe langa tine cu focul decusara fumegand.
Cafeaua insingurata are cu totul alt gust doamnele si domnii mei decat cafelele populate, ghicite, furate, clandestine, chiulite.
Si-am atatea povesti cu cafele incat voi face o colectie ici blogospherique.
Prima va fi despre cafelele verzi chiulangioace. O secunda, s'il vous plait?

Leapsa si nesilita de nimeni

Niste piscoturi lepsesti ca doar nu mai aveam vreme de scris si de gandit. :P
Dar de facut pe laudaroasa, desigur...



01) Bought everyone in the pub a drink
02) Swam with wild dolphins
03) Climbed a mountain
04) Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05) Been inside the Great Pyramid
06) Held a tarantula.
07) Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08) Said ‘I love you’ and meant it
09) Hugged a tree
10) Done a striptease
11) Bungee jumped
12) Visited Paris
13) Watched a lightning storm at sea
14) Stayed up all night long, and watch the sun rise
15) Seen the Northern Lights
16) Gone to a huge sports game
17) Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
18) Grown and eaten your own vegetables
19) Touched an iceberg
20) Slept under the stars
21) Changed a baby’s diaper
22) Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
23) Watched a meteor shower
24) Gotten drunk on champagne
25) Given more than you can afford to charity
26) Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
27) Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
28) Had a food fight
29) Bet on a winning horse
30) Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
31) Asked out a stranger
32) Had a snowball fight
33) Photocopied your bottom on the office photocopier
34) Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
35) Held a lamb
36) Enacted a favorite fantasy
37) Taken a midnight skinny dip
38) Taken an ice cold bath
39) Had a meaningful conversation with a beggar
40) Seen a total eclipse
41) Ridden a roller coaster
42) Hit a home run
43) Fit three weeks miraculously into three days
44) Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
45) Adopted an accent for an entire day
46) Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
47) Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
48) Had two hard drives for your computer
49) Visited all 50 states of USA
50) Loved your job for all accounts
51) Taken care of someone who was shit faced
52) Had enough money to be truly satisfied
53) Had amazing friends
54) Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
55) Watched wild whales
56) Stolen a sign
57) Backpacked in Europe
58) Taken a road-trip
59) Rock climbing
60) Lied to foreign government’s official in that country to avoid notice
61) Midnight walk on the beach
62) Sky diving
63) Visited Ireland
64) Been heartbroken longer then you were actually in love
65) In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them
66) Visited Japan
67) Benchpressed your own weight
68) Milked a cow
69) Alphabetized your records
70) Pretended to be a superhero
71) Sung karaoke
72) Lounged around in bed all day
73) Posed nude in front of strangers
74) Scuba diving
75) Got it on to “Let’s Get It On” by Marvin Gaye
76) Kissed in the rain
77) Played in the mud
78) Played in the rain
79) Gone to a drive-in theater
80) Done something you should regret, but don’t regret it
81) Visited the Great Wall of China
82) Discovered that someone who’s not supposed to have known about your blog has discovered your blog.
83) Dropped Windows in favor of something better
84) Started a business
85) Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
86) Toured ancient sites
87) Taken a martial arts class
88) Sword fought for the honor of a woman
89) Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
90) Gotten engaged
91) Been in a movie
92) Crashed a party
93) Loved someone you shouldn’t have
94) Kissed someone so passionately it made them dizzy
95) Gotten married
96) Had sex at the office
97) Gone without food for 5 days
98) Made cookies from scratch
99) Won first prize in a costume contest
100) Ridden a gondola in Venice
101) Gotten a tattoo
102) Found that the texture of some materials can turn you on
103) Gotten divorced
104) Been on television news programs as an “expert”
105) Got flowers for no reason
106) Masturbated in a public place
107) Got so drunk you don’t remember anything
108) Taken illegal drugs
109) Performed on stage
110) Been to Las Vegas
111) Recorded music
112) Eaten shark
113) Had a one-night stand
114) Gone to Thailand
115) Seen Siouxsie live
116) Bought a house
117) Been in a combat zone
118) Buried one/both of your parents
119) Shaved or waxed your pubic hair off
120) Been on a cruise ship
121) Spoken more than one language fluently
122) Gotten into a fight while attempting to defend someone
123) Bounced a check
124) Performed in Rocky Horror
125) Read - and understood - your credit report
126) Raised children.
127) Recently bought and played with a favorite childhood toy.
128) Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
129) Created and named your own constellation of stars
130) Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
131) Found out something significant that your ancestors did
132) Called or written your Congress person
133) Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
134) …more than once? - More than twice?
135) Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
136) Sang loudly in the car, and didn’t stop when you knew someone was looking
137) Had an abortion or your female partner did
138) Had plastic surgery
139) Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived.
140) Wrote articles for a large publication
141) Lost over 100 pounds
142) Held someone while they were having a flashback
143) Piloted an airplane
144) Petted a stingray
145) Broken someone’s heart
146) Helped an animal give birth
147) Been fired or laid off from a job
148) Won money on a T.V. game show
149) Broken a bone
150) Killed a human being
151) Gone on an African photo safari
152) Ridden a motorcycle
153) Driven any land vehicle at a speed of greater than 100 mph
154) Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced
155) Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
156) Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
157) Ridden a horse
158) Had major surgery
159) Had sex on a moving train
160) Had a snake as a pet
161) Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
162) Slept through an entire flight: takeoff, flight, and landing
163) Slept for more than 30 hours
164) Visited lots of foreign countries
165) Visited all 7 continents
166) Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
167) Eaten kangaroo meat
168) Fallen in love at an ancient Mayan burial ground
169) Been a sperm or egg donor
170) Eaten sushi
171) Had your picture in the newspaper
172) Had 2 (or more) healthy romantic relationships for over a year in your lifetime
173) Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about
174) Gotten someone fired for their actions
175) Gone back to school
176) Parasailed
177) Changed your name
178) Petted a cockroach
179) Eaten fried green tomatoes.
180) Read The Iliad
181) Selected one “important” author who you missed in school, and read
182) Dined in a restaurant and stolen silverware, plates, cups because your apartment needed them
183) …and gotten 86′ed from the restaurant because you did it so many times, they figured out it was you
184) Taught yourself an art from scratch
185) Killed and prepared an animal for eating
186) Apologized to someone years after inflicting the hurt
187) Skipped all your school reunions
188) Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
189) Been elected to public office
190) Written your own computer language
191) Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream
192) Had to put someone you love into hospice care
193) Built your own PC from parts
194) Sold your own artwork to someone who didn’t know you
195) Had a booth at a street fair
196) Dyed your hair
197) Been a DJ
198) Found out someone was going to dump you via LiveJournal
199) Written your own role playing game
200) Been arrested.

Incurcata Treaba

In loc de "remember when you were only a child" eu inteleg "remember when you were an only child": Analyze that!



Remember when you were only a child
Remember when you were only a child
Remember when you were only a child
Start to see with your blue mind
Start to see with your blue mind
Don't be afraid of what you find
No, don't be afraid of what you find

Chiar ma gandesc ca are de-a face cu gelozia de sora mai mare deposed din ale sale drepturi pe vremea cand aveam 1 an si 3 luni. Ce ti-e si cu boala asta viermuita si putreda! Si cu zentrul atentiei si cu persoana intai egoista, mereu ti se pare ca nu ti s-a cautat destul in coarne, ca tre sa overdo it, ca ai ceva de demonstrat lumii intregi, vrei sa-ti fie recunoscute ego-forturile!

Mereu esti intr-o competitie si trebuie in sabii sa te tai sau in palose sa te scuturi. Puah, cel mai frica de mine pe lumea asta e cand ma iau in serios si

Ma umflu in cucuie, pene si defecte,
burdihane, lacrimi si bube infecte.
Luatu-n serios si prapastiile cascate
-s boli teribile,
Molipsitoare de damzelle,
triste si sensibile.
Ce stau in iatacuri si-si cauta-n plete,
Rani imaginare, deprezdii cochete,
Zac in lunga zeama.
Pe printesele-astea tare fandosite
Pauvres chinuite de boli inchipuite,
Farlifus le cheama,
Mari, zau, mi-e teama,
Sa nu ma preschimb
in vruna din ele,
Sa-mpletesc vreun nimb,
Sa rup la pingele,
Ca direct pe copca
o sa ma cam duc
Si ma interna-veti,
Drept la balamuc!

Tril de lene

dragostea noastra e-o pereche de sosete
colorate, calduroase si indispens-abile
cand se strang una-ntralta jilave si bete
cepele carnoase imbratisate-n bile.

si de-ti vine uratul intr-o zi ploioasa
zaci sub plampumi grele si cu ceai in casa,
poti oricand sa-ti plimbi perechea de sosete
intr-o reprezentatie de marionete!

cateodata dara din dragostea ceasta
iese si-un cartof,
care se cam plimba sprinten prin pantof.
ca sa nu mai zburde-asa in libertate
peticim si coasem cu urzeli pupate!

Poaza culeasa de-aci

Si-acum va prezentam datele meteo:

Imprumutand masca lui Emil Brumaru, se prognozeaza ca:

"E-o vreme de distrus flasnete"
De cautat adanc (mai abitir) prin ghete,
De urmarit prin deasa ceata coapte fete
De-mpuns la norii curgatori, obraznici
rotunzi cu ascutite baionete.

E-o vreme de tinut in palme
doi ochi alunecosi din maini fierbinti,
De inganat din omusor, mari, sudalme,
Cu limba-mpleticita printre dinti.

E-o vreme ca de Dickens la-nceputuri
De Londra-n ghearele demonului: Fum Nehalitul,
Si personaje date-afara din culcus in suturi,
De spintecat tristeturi pe funduri cu cutitul.

Balada celor 3 cu 3 si-un pic

Apai cred ca era cazul sa ma strecor afara dintr-un razboi de tesut metanii si tristeturi arvunite de imaginatia bogata, voi nu?
Dapai pen' ca toti ce ma inconjoara urasc aftabuzele si transportul in comun, m-am hotarat sa-mpart povestile mele frumoase cu arcele lui Goe, poarcele lui Zoe, potroacele de Poe... Condurii mei farmecati care ma poarta spre o lume de liniste sufleteasca chitita-n balamuc si-n vacarm. Eu cred ca 331 e fermecat, un Knight Bus care-ti sare-n ajutor. E molcom dimineata si prinde aripi noaptea, e cald si aburind iarna ca o farfurie cu supa pe roti. Ticsit din cap pana-n picioare cu norod de toate culorile si etatile. Tremura ca o piftie cand merge repede si mugeste din frane prin fata casei mele fara perdea. Si cand ma urc in el imi vine sa traiesc. Acum conitelor si conilor stimati ce-mi mai calcati poate pragul, dar luxul asta static de a citi cu jumatatile de ora in mijloc de oameni, de a vedea soarele cum se iteste piste Aleea Kisseleff promenada infofolita-n copaci si-n biciclete nocturne cu ghidoane din coarne de berbec care-mpung trecatorii, ii mare lucru, parol. Sa ai timp sa stai la stopuri si sa privesti oamenii din masinile de pe langa cum conduc cu ochii carpiti si gesticuleaza pe muzica de dimineata, cu galgaie cafelele si se varsa in poalele lor costumate de sedinta. Sa vezi cravate legate la stop cu sarg si muierusti bleached care spoiesc retrovizorul. Mame permanentate rastindu-se la odrasle incinse cu centuri de siguranta care-si baga destele-n nas falanga cu falanga. Ehehei, fatul meu, oare tu o sa mai ai timp de asta? Sa te zgaiesti la frunzele de toamna cum cad din picoare de oboseala, la asfaltul care naduseste vara si curge jilav pe piatra cubica....Noaptea cu alei goale din spatele Casei Scanteii cand ies melcii de mana la sosea si studentele cu fuste scurte de la internat. Sa mirosi prin geamuri primavara cand accidentele de masina picteaza carosabilul.
Aveti putintica rabdare, stimabililor....
Si cum ii naravul stapanei piticilor, va face prinsoare ca va zice de-acusi incolo-sha pana i s-or istovi izvoarele povesti coapte sau necoapte, minaciuni de Vonnegut (soma) su adevaraciuni curate ca lamura si impanate cu visul lui Parpanghel si bufonii lui Dimov.

Balada celor 3 cu 3 si-un pic

Sa tot fie, mari, 4 ani de zile
De cand umblu-aiurea: falfai din papile,
Manc din peisaje, ascult la tarana,
Dantez in viraje, tin urechea-n mana,
Sorb de prin asfalturi, rup din conversatii,
Pasc litere-n falduri, nu cobor in statii,
Cuvinte flecare le insir pe loc,
Dau cu derbedeii zburdalnic noroc;
Fac dresaj cu sfichiul de bici impletit
Din bucati de limba pentru nesimtit.
Zau de plec de-acasa, daca am uitat,
Goblenul si acul, rasul capiat.
Sa brodez schelete de istorisiri,
Pasol na turbinka, ca ma-ntorc cu zbiri!
Trei voinici din cifre, aftabuze albe,
glasuiti acuma ca m-intorc cu jalbe
protapite bine pe picior de UE;
Fartate, cenzura-mi e nitel cam suie!
Iertare domnita daca am uitat
sa sarut condurul cesta lung si lat.

Du-ma 331 un la rascruce mare,
Cu artere-adanci brazde pe ogoare.

Ingropata in cuvinte

S-au intors frumusetile... Au inceput sa iasa de sub pietre ca soparlele la soare...
Mi se bat cuvintele ca turcii la gura.
Chefurile se ridica din frunze de ceai, ideile se destrabaleaza in scris in camarute inguste si friguroase, intre rafturi de carti si postere scorojite cu irlanda si sfinti medievali. De-abia imi mai tin cuvintele pe mine sa nu cada pe foaie (asa de infofolita-s) despre cam ce-am cercetat in ultima vreme si cum am iesit din gaura de iad care m-a inghitit o vreme.

Am siroit pe langa dop in pivnita de limbi straine pana am inteles ce cautam si mi-am dat seama ca lucrurile citite mereu se imbina in jurul lucrului meu preferat din lume. Se brodeaza jocuri, ironii, fericiri, amaraciuni, reguli de joc, chei care deschid imparatii de ganduri, cosite aruncate din turnuri ca niste fuioare toarse si daruri ale scriitorilor pe care le descoperi dupa luni de taina cu cartile inchise. Multumescuti domnule Carroll ca m-ai adus inapoi la vechea-mi cercetare in tainele placerii in joc si ghicitoare, care n-are a face cu bine si rau, ci mai degraba cu placere si chin, care-s binecuvantari/blesteme mai importante si mai interesante in literatura.